What is trauma?
Traumatic events come in many forms. Trauma can occur as a result of being raped, hi-jacked, being in a car accident, being in a combat situation as a soldier, or having being exposed to an act of violence or terrorism. Trauma arises as a result of the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship.
Trauma that is not easily talked about is what happens to us as children, and referred to as developmental childhood trauma when exposed to chronic physical abuse, witnessing domestic violence or sexual violations, as this happens in the home and very often in secrecy. Emotional neglect is a silent experience of trauma, as we don’t know what we are missing. It is our birthright to be safe because we are protected, supported and treated with care and kindness. When our caregivers fail to provide this care, we become easily emotionally dysregulated. When complex trauma begins in infancy, the vulnerable nervous system of an infant is completely dependent upon caregivers to help them feel safe, connected, and calm. Growing up with parents who were emotionally dysregulated, abusive, or neglectful shapes a child’s vulnerable nervous system. This can lead to long-lasting patterns of emotional and physiological distress that get carried into adulthood.
Sadly, when you grow up without this vital care, you have to adapt to your environment that you have no control over. You develop coping mechanisms such as disconnecting from your emotions and your body. Emotions are a vital life force meant for guiding you through life, and when you are cut off from your emotions, you struggle through life and important relationships feeling confused and empty. Your body is also an important ‘feedback tool’ able to communicate to you the effects of a toxic, hard life through symptoms of pain and illness.
In other instances, people may be too young to remember the abuse or they may block painful memories, so all they’re left with is unexplained feelings, emotions and unhealthy patterns of behavior. They can’t articulate why they react the way they do, leaving them feeling confused, frustrated and unable to form fulfilling and intimate relationships. But just because someone is unable to remember abuse doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Whether it’s guilt, shame or memory that keeps you from talking about abuse in therapy, the result is the same. Unfortunately, most people who have lived through abuse find themselves keeping it hidden for as long as possible.
In our complex political framework, trauma can result from cultural barriers and the stress of discrimination and oppression. Regardless of the source of trauma, it is important to realise that the person experiencing it did not have the emotional, physical and mental resources to handle the situation at the time that it occurred. Trauma makes people feel helpless, powerless and groundless. It interferes with their ability to feel real in mind and body. Often, we develop toxic beliefs about ourselves, such as “I’m not good enough” or “life is hard” or “I can’t depend on anyone other than myself” and we become overly self-reliant or dependent on
others for survival.
There is a wisdom in Trauma – whilst it has an important function to protect us when we are unable to process or manage the trauma, unresolved trauma gives us access to tremendous energy to potentially fuel our transformation – but we need skills and strategies for integrating this trauma into our adult lives.
Traumatic experiences can have a devastating impact on our life, and can also become a powerful force that awakens us to an undercurrent of our own aliveness. Painful events inevitably shape who we are, but it’s essential to look beyond the dark and heavy internal landscape and trust in our capacity for growth. The work of trauma is difficult, but this same work can uncover wisdom and awaken your heart with an “awesomeness” that says “feeling is believing”
Perhaps you have a tangled web of nourishing and toxic events, which may bring confusion, conflict - trying to enjoy the good experiences and have invasive feelings of resentment, anger or even repulsion spoil the experience, which may seem like you are on this ‘go-nowhere roundabout’
Attending to the losses, disappointments and the pain of traumatic events can eventually lead to acceptance and understanding, so that you can fully embrace a wonderful unique personal expression of your true self.
We need skills and strategies for integrating the unresolved trauma from our past:
It is important to create an internal sense of emotional and physical sense of safety.
You learn how to reset your nervous system
When you are feeling safe and resourceful, we explore manageable aspects of your trauma and build a new sense of resilience and courage.
As your understanding develops, and you develop a renewed perspective on the stuff that was too painful to address, you begin to tap into the awakened and powerful, stored survival energy.
You feel safe, wise, empowered with your true voice, awesome and connected to whatever is important to you.